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06 Jul 2014

Some etiquettes in marriage

Categories : Marriage |   0 Comments

The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has also said, “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied, asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) decreed that one should not try to cancel a bargain already agreed upon between some other persons (by offering a bigger price). And a man should not ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand. (Volume 7, Book 62, Number 73: Narrated Ibn ‘Umar)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Beware of suspicion (about others), as suspicion is the falsest talk, and do not spy upon each other, and do not listen to the evil talk of the people about others’ affairs, and do not have enmity with one another, but be brothers. And none should ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his (Muslim) brother, but one should wait till the first suitor marries her or leaves her.” (Volume 7, Book 62, Number 74: Narrated Abu Huraira)

Backbiting is forbidden in Islam. But when someone asks something about their prospective spouse, revealing such information, is not considered as backbiting from the Islamic perspective. In fact, in such a situation of seeking marriage, complete information should be given about an individual, both good and bad.

When both Mu’awiyah and Abu’ I-Jaham asked for the hand of Fatimah bint Qays in marriage, she consulted the Prophet (SAAS) about them.  He told her: “As for Abu’l-Jaham, he does not drop his stick from his shoulder and as for Mu’awiyah, he is poor, and has no money.” [Muslim #3512]

If a young man proposes marriage to a young lady, then there is no harm (in the man seeing her), however it is not obligatory. Rather, it is recommended that he sees her and she sees him, because the Prophet (peace be upon him) commanded the one who proposed marriage to look at the woman. This is because that is better for causing agreement and harmony between them. So if she uncovers her face for him, and her hands and her head, there is no harm in that according to the correct opinion. Some of the people of knowledge have said that it is sufficient for her to uncover the face and the two hands. However, the correct opinion is that there is no harm in him seeing her head, face, hands and feet, based upon the mentioned hadeeth (above). However, this is not permissible with him being alone with her. Rather, her father, or brother, or someone else must be with them. This is because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

“A man must never be alone with a woman unless there is someone who is a Mahram with them.” (Agreed upon in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree and Saheeh Muslim.) He (peace be upon him) also said, “A man must never be alone with a woman, for verily the Satan is their third.” (At-Tirmithee and Ahmad)

Source: Sheikh ibn Baz, Al-Fataawaa ash-Shar’iyyah fil-Masaa’il il-‘Asriyyah min Fataawaa ‘Ulamaa’ il-Balad il-Haraam

Even if things do not work out, we should not let ourselves down, pray to Allah, and we should be pleased with what He wills. May Allah accept our sincere efforts.